How to Make a Postpartum Survival Plan {in Four Simple Steps}

I admit it. I’m a planner.

I love to make plans — large and small — from what I’m going to wear tomorrow to how I’m going to save the world.

I dream big and write down my goals. {AND I have a serious penchant for cute planners. 😉 }

I’ve also birthed three babies. And so naturally, I’ve planned and planned and PLANNED all the glorious details surrounding their pregnancies, births, and infancies.

I designed a fantastic birth plan — typed and printed for my OB — before my firstborn came into the world and shattered every perfect bullet point on my perfect labor and delivery outline. {What? This happened to you, too??}

After that disappointing experience, I swore I’d never again make a birth plan, since obviously babies don’t care about those sorts of things anyway.

And then instead of typing it all up and delivering it authoritatively to my doctor, for the next two pregnancies, I just rehearsed and contrived every. tiny. detail. of how the births must be. {And in case you were wondering, yes, my husband is very long-suffering.}

Not surprisingly, just like with my firstborn, the next two births didn’t go quiiite the way I had planned they would. But that’s a story for another day.

What is surprising is that my planning-obsessed self never once considered making a step-by-step strategy for surviving those incredibly hard first few weeks of zombie-motherhood, also known as POSTPARTUM. {shudder}

Zombie Mom right here. Notice the fake smile.

Even after suffering through postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety more than once, it has occurred to me only NOW that my youngest is 2, that there can be such a thing as a postpartum plan, just like there can be a birth plan.

The idea was first introduced to me by way of this article last week, where a PPD-survivor describes both her desire for and fear of having a second baby. She relates how when she became pregnant again, she made the decision to plan ahead to surround herself with the help and support that would best fit her own postpartum needs. 

Brilliant.

Oh, how I wish I’d thought to implement this strategy for all of my pregnancies! There’s a good chance that if I’d had a postpartum plan, I may have avoided the worst of PPD and PPA.

Well, if there’s ever a fourth little B, I’ll know what to do.

But for now, I want to pass along some game-plan thoughts for any of YOU who may be pregnant or know someone who is.

And by the way, having a postpartum plan is not just for those of us who’ve been hit with PPD in the past.

I really believe that every mom should do this, to some degree, for every baby.

Having a baby is a really big adjustment, whether or not you’re a seasoned mom or a newbie — and why not make this transition as smooth as possible, for the sake of everyone’s sanity, ammiright?

Why we need a Postpartum Plan at all

Did you know that there are third-world cultures that have virtually NO instances of postpartum disorders?

Yes, you read that right.

According to this article by health psychologist Kathleen Kendall-Tackett, scientists researched the postpartum health and habits of women in several third-world countries. They found that in those countries with low incidence of postpartum distress, each culture has five specific protective social practices during the postpartum phase:

a distinct postpartum period; protective measures reflecting the new mother’s vulnerability; social seclusion and mandated rest; functional assistance; and social recognition of the mother’s new role and status.”

{I highly highly highly recommend you read the whole article — it’ll just take ten minutes and you’ll learn so much.}

For some reason, American culture in general doesn’t see the value in protecting mothers and their newborns in this way.

We are too busy being “productive” to take time off for postpartum healing…or something like that. Maternity leave is short; paternity leave is almost nonexistent.

The new mom is expected to get it together and get back in the swing of life, pronto.

This is unnatural at best, and at worst, it can be extremely detrimental to the new mama — and by extension, to her family.

But just think of the difference it would have made in your postpartum life if you were given permission to have “mandated rest.”  Just imagine a postpartum with NO expectations to do anything except bond with your new baby and recover your strength. Imagine receiving “functional assistance” as a matter of course during postpartum recovery.

{If you haven’t yet had a baby, let me tell you, IT WOULD MAKE A HUGE DIFFERENCE.}

Pregnancy, labor, and birth are RIGOROUS — both emotionally and physically — and it’s completely NATURAL AND NECESSARY TO TAKE TIME TO RECOVER. {Sorry for all the caps. Can you tell I feel strongly about this? 😉 }

Seriously, friends. We need to rethink the way we postpartum. 

I love this stellar advice from Blythe at The Fike Life, on How to Postpartum Like a Boss:

If you are struggling or feeling like postpartum life is the worst and like you don’t know what you should or shouldn’t be doing then let this be the advice for you…

Stay in bed for as long as humanly possible.

That’s it. Stay in bed.”

Sounds like my kind of postpartum. I just needed someone to give me permission. Do you feel the same way?

Delirious. The pic is blurry, just like my sleep-deprived eyes.

There is just SO MUCH that I could say about this. But for the sake of keeping this {already-too-long} post from getting any longer, let’s get down to business.

It’s time to think about just WHAT a magical postpartum would look like for YOU.

Here are the four steps that I think will set you on the road to creating an amazing postpartum experience. 

How to Create a Postpartum Survival Plan

 Step One: Set up your support system

Well before your due date, brainstorm every possible physical need you will have in the first few weeks post-delivery. Make a comprehensive list.

Do you want meals delivered? Someone to do the laundry or scrub the bathrooms? Do you need babysitting for your toddlers or carpool help for your older kids? Would it make you the happiest woman in the world if someone would just hold the baby while you shower or sleep?

Next, prioritize what’s most important to you.

Then, have a very honest conversation with your husband, your loved ones, and the communities you belong to {church, moms groups, etc.}.

Show them your list and let them choose something to help you with. You may be surprised to find out that they’ve just been waiting for you to ask.

Try — and by try, I mean BE ASSERTIVE — to get all your priority needs met. Then be willing to just let go of anything else that you can’t find someone to do.

Bonus tip #1: If you aren’t comfortable having this convo with your friends/family/communities, one idea is to choose a close friend or your husband as your advocate — kind of like a postpartum support coordinator {an idea from Dr. Aviva Romm’s book, Natural Health After Birth}. This friend would communicate your needs and create your support network for you.

Bonus tip #2: In order for a support system to actually work, it’s crucial for you to allow yourself to be helped. American moms often succumb to the fallacy that they “should be able to handle it” and that they are weak, incapable, or “not good enough” if they accept help. This is so far from the truth. So banish those thoughts and get to making your list.

Step Two: Plan for Healthy Meals

Maybe this is a no-brainer for you, or maybe you’ve never really thought of it. For all three of my pregnancies, nourishing my postpartum self was, sadly, pretty much last on my list {first on my list being just to make it through the day — I didn’t realize that those two things go hand in hand}.

I’ve since learned that what I put in my body has a HUGE impact on my moods and my overall health.

During our postpartum time, women are particularly vulnerable to the extreme bodily stresses of labor, breastfeeding, and very little sleep. In fact, consuming a diet of real food can help mitigate some of this stress, and can also help your postpartum body to heal faster.

Here are some resources for eating well postpartum:

• Top 10 Superfoods
• How to Fight Depression & Anxiety with Nutrition
• Healing Foods Shopping List {PDF}
• 100 Days of Real Food

Give your food preferences to whichever friends or family members have chosen to organize your postpartum meals. Ask them to help you to eat well so that you can heal well.

Step Three: Create a personal postpartum sanctuary

I’ve read about this concept from several resources. I LOVE it.

The idea is simple: during your postpartum time, your home, or even just your bedroom if that’s more realistic, should be like a little sanctuary where peace and rest abound.

It’s kind of like the modern version of lying-in.

Your only job is to rest and bond with your delicious baby, and then to rest some more.

The sanctuary of your home or room should be respected by your family and any visitors who come to snuggle your baby. Ideally, your husband or another close friend should be your bouncer, protecting your privacy and seclusion.

Your sanctuary is a place where your needs are the priority, and your body and emotions are nurtured — so that you can nurture your baby.

This lying-in sanctuary obviously {sadly} can’t last long — probably not more than your first week home — but for many mamas, a week of sacred space sets a peaceful tone for the remainder of their postpartum.

Step Four: Find a Postpartum BFF

In her book Natural Health After Birth, Dr. Aviva Romm writes

It is natural, as the endorphins and adrenalin [present at childbirth]…begin to wear off, that we feel a sense of anticlimax, a bit like let-down. … Along with these feelings comes the need for a supportive and understanding companion who will listen and validate your feelings. Ideally, your partner will provide some of this support, but he might not fully comprehend your range of emotions, nor appreciate how you could feel anything but overjoyed by your baby.

Therefore, having another woman who has borne children, and who is emotionally sensitive, and with whom you feel you can be open, is sometimes necessary. Another mother can best understand that human emotions are complex, and that we can at once feel unprecedented love and deep anguish, incredible gratefulness and disappointment, deep appreciation and resentment. A good listener and experienced wise-woman can help us put into perspective our emotions…”

{Sorry for the long quote, but I think it’s a point worth driving home.}

How profoundly comforting and affirming to have a friend and confidante who can understand me as a postpartum woman.

I pray you have someone, or can find someone, who will be such a friend for you. Don’t underestimate the power of friendship to see you through the craziness of postpartum life.

Finally happy again.

Final thoughts

I truly believe that if we reflect on our very real postpartum needs and are intentional about meeting them, we can eliminate a huge amount of the stress and tears, and maybe even experience PEACE during our postpartum.

Which is a very worthy goal.

So if you needed permission to plan for an amazing postpartum, now you have it. Go make it happen!