For a very long time, I was against seeking any outside help for PPD, and later for my anxiety and clinical depression. I was ashamed and embarrassed about being depressed. I was also foolishly independent and just plain stubborn — I thought I should be able to dig myself out of my dark hole.
Except for a short period of time when I was taking an anti-depressant {with some positive results}, I tended to get up every morning with the self-inflicted heavy burden of making it through the day by relying mostly on my willpower, and the ears and shoulders of my husband and mom.
It was last year when I finally let my guard down and stopped making life more difficult for myself than depression already made it. In the middle of an especially desperate and anxious episode, I could see my kids and husband suffering from my dark moods. It seemed that I had just one ounce of hope left in me, enough to somehow force my hand to pick up the phone and call a Catholic counseling center in my area.
Almost a year later, I can tell you that phone call was one of the best decisions I’ve made on my path to health and wholeness.
Why talk to a stranger?
Counseling, or therapy — most people use these terms interchangeably — can be intimidating to say the least. Why would I want to open up to a stranger about the deepest pain in my heart? I’m at the lowest point in my life; how can I bare my soul to someone who doesn’t love me or even know me?
Fair questions to ask. It might seem that seeing a therapist is counterintuitive in times of depression or anxiety, especially when the very act of going to meet someone new can produce so much stress.
Let me set your mind at ease. Yes, going to counseling is hard and scary. But the benefits can really outweigh the difficulties.
Here are the four reasons that counseling helped to raise me out of depression:
1. Perspective.
One hallmark of depression is that it closes us in on ourselves. It’s almost as if we are wearing a blindfold with a mirror attached to the inside, so that all we can see is the “ugly” reflection of our miserable existence, and we can’t look beyond it to see life as it really is.
A good therapist can change all that.
In my counseling experience, hearing an outsider’s perspective on my situation allowed me – very slowly, over time — to gain insights into my thoughts, actions, and desires. Her primary objective was to offer me a balance of empathy, observation, and hope that would gently challenge me to live my life, and even to dare to love it again.
In essence, she helped me to remove my blindfold.
2. Safe space.
Not only did my therapist aid me in looking at my life and myself through a different lens, she did it without expressing judgment, bias, or even disapproval.
A good counselor offers her clients a safe space – not unlike a confessional – for hashing out fears, thoughts, feelings, desires, and even hopes and dreams. And while she won’t just leave you to wallow in the mire, she also won’t judge the motives of your heart or tell you how horrible you are for being there in the first place.
{Tip: Here’s where it can be important to choose a therapist who shares your moral code and your love for Christ. Without this common foundation, it’s not only hard to express your heart and be understood; it’s also likely that you won’t achieve the full flourishing of soul that you desire.}
3. It’s good for your marriage.
How many hours have I spent over the last three years trying to explain depression to my long-suffering husband? Too many to count.
Therapy allowed me to give my spouse a much-needed break – from trying to figure it all out, from being the only one I cried on regularly, and from being dragged down into the darkness with me.
My husband is a very good man, a patient listener, and a great friend. But even he, as much as he loves me and as much as he wants to, can’t solve all my problems or sometimes even understand them. By going to counseling, I took the pressure off of him to be the one to “fix it.”
4. Sometimes you just need a professional.
Truth.
My husband couldn’t “fix” me because he’s just not trained to do that. No amount of love or understanding could have made that different.
There are times when, even after talking and crying for hours with our best friends – those great listeners and the ones who just “get” us – we won’t feel much better for long. The fact is, sometimes we just need a professional.
When your arm is broken, you go to a professional — you don’t expect your mom to be able to set the bone and wrap it in a cast. When your car sounds like it’s going to die, you take it to a professional — you don’t expect your husband to figure out what’s broken and replace the part. When your soul is in mortal sin, you get to a professional — you don’t expect your best friend to be able to heal your wounds and restore you to grace.
It’s no different when we are heavily burdened under the weight of depression.
Contrary to what I used to believe, no one is born knowing how to counsel effectively all the time. Therapists, counselors, and psychologists are trained with years of education and supervised experience. Counseling is a learned skill that takes repetition and fine-tuning, and there are many methods that can be practiced. {No wonder our friends, spouses, and family-members seem to fall short at times.}
A good therapist also uses her education to provide her client with tools – techniques to cope in stressful situations, to calm panic attacks, to turn away from harmful choices, and to develop habits that lead to thriving. One of my own greatest takeaways from counseling was learning to manage my anxiety in fruitful and constructive ways.
Ultimately, it’s God who heals us — but often, He uses skilled counselors as instruments to accomplish His work.
I have never regretted my decision to use counseling as another powerful means to combat my mood disorders. It’s been difficult and sometimes painful, but there have been so many fruits.
My friends, perhaps it’s time to consider adding therapy to your arsenal of weapons. Depression, anxiety, PPD, or whatever dragon you are fighting can be conquered. Keep hope alive!
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